Sipping my Starbucks ‘Tall Coffee In A Grande Cup Packed To The Top With Whipped Cream’ (you must try it, it’s fabulous), the sun peeps out and gives a wink before darting back into it’s dismal hiding place. But no matter, my beverage of choice puts a smile on my face and for the moment I am content.

The music blares above me as caffeine-craved people come and caffeine-saturated people go and I can’t help but turn my attention to the conversations around me, as for some reason people at coffee shops tend to talk in voices intended to command attention at something like a rodeo.

“It was like my mother shot herself in the foot”…”I think slinking from you is the hardest to do”…”I could eat a hundred of these, they’re so moist but have a bit of chew”…”Set the thing upright, I’m telling you, you gotta set it upright or it won’t work out”…’We all have our own stuff and I don’t know. I just don’t know”… “They have to fill out their paper work and get fingerprinted”…”I know myself well enough and there’s a reason, I swear there’s a reason”…

There was one more that I couldn’t quite make out but sounded like, “No, no, no, it was dripping from the cracker barrel”…?

A cacophony of voices planning their day, reporting on their lives, connecting with another life. I am amused because as I am basking in my caffeine glow it all sounds to me like a song that Paul Simon might have wrote.  I think it coulda been a big hit.

Taking in my surroundings, I step away from my weighty ponderings and feel refreshed. You see, I’ve been swimming a little bit too much in the Mid-life-Menopause Regret & Remorse Pond lately. Reflection is good. I just need to remember to season it with acceptance and gratitude because if I meander down the path of shame for my life’s missteps, my perceptions cloud and that Pond turns to quicksand.

So here’s to a cup of joe, this marvelous mid-life,  a hearty conversation topped off with a dash of gratitude.

Entering Midlife. Wishing for sleep that’s encumbered by seemingly endless awakenings.

Beholding Spring.  Air laced with lilac as budding leaves shimmer.

Beholding Midlife.  Doubt encircling dreams as the present clouds the future.

Menopause. Who the hell cares.

Menopause Rap

Was it a heart attack? I certainly had all the symptoms: chest pains, extreme dizziness and nausea, couldn’t take a deep breath, heavy fatigue.

It had come on so fast that morning. First it was the dizziness. The room was spinning as if I were on a Merry go Round. I stumbled over and had such tightness in my chest. The fatigue set in and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

I have read many times to beware of “The Silent Killer” as heart disease is the number one killer of women. I will be 56 this month and having heart disease in my family caused even more concern.

I wanted to tough it out, ignore it. “It’s nothing”, I thought, “Maybe too much caffeine”. But the symptoms wouldn’t let up and I made the call.

A couple hours later, I walked out of the hospital feeling pretty much the same. It was not a heart attack or stroke. I was embarrassed and vowed never to do that again. And then I remembered hearing, that’s what many women do and they die.

Here are the warning signs of a heart attack in women and then I’ll share what the doctor told me.
Neck, shoulder, upper back or abdominal discomfort
Shortness of breath
Nausea or vomiting
Sweating
Lightheadedness or dizziness
Unusual fatigue
www.americanheart.org

I also read:
“Worldwide, 8.6 million women die from heart disease each year, accounting for a third of all deaths in women. Three million women die from stroke each year. Stroke accounts for more deaths among women than men (11% vs 8.4%) with additional risk for CHD unique to women related to oral contraceptive use in combination with smoking.

8 million women in the US are currently living with heart disease; 35,000 are under age of 65. Four million suffer from angina.

267,000 women die each year from heart attacks, which kill six times as many women as breast cancer. Another 31, 837 women die each year of congestive heart failure, representing 62.6% of all heart failure deaths.” www.womensheart.org

Ladies, the doctor shared that if we experience any of these symptoms in a manner that is new or different for us, go get checked. Do not wait.

So what happened to me? What was it that caused these symptoms? I had the flu. A very strange type of flu that I have not experienced before. I am a bit embarrassed over the fuss, but I can only imagine what would have happened had I not gone in and it was the real thing.

The doctor said I was right to come in. So with that, I hope my ER story had given you some useful information for yourself and women you know.

I think we need to learn to laugh when experiencing these uncomfortable menopause signs and symptoms and if you haven’t seen our music video  yet, get a giggle and watch the following video after the break:

Menopause Madness (click play to start)

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]

But there is something more serious some of us women suffer during this transitional time that I would like to briefly write about. Sometimes I wake in the morning feeling useless and believe the messages in my head that say, “You can’t do this, who do you think you are, you’re too old, you’re a loser, you are not needed anymore…” etcetera and etcetera.

Being a naturally vibrant and life-loving woman, this for me is disturbing. As I fight through the onslaught of slandering woes and push myself to do the necessary tasks for the day, I find my mind calms a bit. But some days the self doubt, anxiety, restlessness are too much and I close the laptop, go to a movie and buy a large extra butter popcorn. I know that it is only a day and tomorrow will be different, maybe no better or worse, but different.

There are 35 symptoms of menopause and the aforementioned are only a few. The physical ones, hot flashes, night sweats, etc are a sweaty walk in the park compared to those that affect our mood and mental well being.

Guys who live with menopausal women, it does subside. I know it is difficult. I feel sad for my husband sometimes when I am shut down, checked out and just trying to ride the nasty mood out.

I believe all of life’s transitions for both men and women are challenging. Passing through these stages allows us to see at our deepest level, the true nature of our character and our need for grace.

It also shows us what we are made of. And right now I gotta admit, feeling tired and edgy and with Halloween being tomorrow…I’m made of a whole bunch of freshly ingested Snickers bars and Butterfingers! Yea baby! (Not a recommended health care choice in Dr. Tori’s “Women’s Encyclopedia of Natural Medicine”!)

The kids are out of the house and now it’s “ME TIME”. So, if you have two people sharing their lives together exercising their self-indulgent newly found freedom, what happens when the wills clash?

To budge or not to budge? Sometimes it can go beyond the tug of rope named “Compromising” to the silent but deadly “Standoff”. The problem with the Standoff is it gets extremely tiring and it is impossible to win.

Why is it sometimes so difficult when you are set on something you want, to step back and take a different perspective…perhaps your partners? But oh my, what a thought. That might mean you have to crumble and loose!

Actually it means emotional maturity. Quieting down the kid within that continues to scream for love and attention and persists on winning the fight taunting, “I know you are but what am I?”

I think we forget who we are, where we are and from where we have journeyed. I know I need to remember to start out the day putting on my big girl pants. I need to remember I’m safe now and the disappointments and wounds of the past don’t have power anymore unless I let them.

I sure hope I’m not the only one that works myself into this budgeless state of being and if I am alone in this, well, all I have to say is…. I know you are but what am I?

Oh phooey, there I go again…

Memories, all alone in the moonlight

I don’t know what I’m doing here, or why I came

All is fuzzy as I wander from room to room

Talking to myself, once again.

Daylight, I awake from my stupor

Wishing I could remember, what day is today

Who am I? What is my name and what do I do?

Let my memory please be renewed.

Every day is a new adventure of confusion and befuddlement

I continue to mutter and my husband shutters

At our mid-life predicament.

Touch me, it’s so easy just read my lips

We’ll grow old together, hand in hand

As we tread these unknown waters of mid-life

I’ll remind you hey, I’m your wife

This little ditty came to me yesterday as I was walking from room to room talking to myself hoping to remember what I was doing and why I was there.

Mid life, menopause, whatever, my ability to recall has turned to mush. I even tied a string around my finger to remind me of something and minutes later looked at the string and forgot why it was there.

I write notes and lose them, wore a mini tape recorder around my neck with voice commands and lost it. I’ve tried making up song, rhymes and word games.

I, for years have been articulate. Now, many days I cannot pull up the right word. Simple words like ‘consume’, ‘explain’ or ‘syndicate’. I come up with words like ‘explode’, ‘synonym’ and ‘incident’.

It’s all mid life and menopausal maladies. Something many of us have to adapt to and work around. Finding humor in it all helps except for when you forget to pay a credit card and they jack your interest rate up to 29.99%. No joke. They didn’t accept my, “But, but, I’m in menopause” They didn’t bite.

…my answer is eat fudge. Lots and lots of fudge. Not really. But have you ever given that question serious thought?

If I were granted wishes for my last day on earth I could say:

• go skydiving or sing lead in a rock band
• write a best seller or build a chain of orphanages in Africa so no child would go without care 
• discover the cure for cancer
• get that job I so desperately had wanted and deserved or spend as much money I want on anything I want
• make all those kids in school that were so mean to me for all those years feel what I felt
• go back and undo all the bad choices I made
• love better, love deeper

So let’s see what I’ve covered: Unfulfilled dreams; acts of charity; greed; revenge; shame; regret; and love.

My guess is if I knew this was my last day in my 55 1/2 years of my life, I would pretty much do what I did today with a bit more verve. Get up (with much effort), drink coffee, pray, eat, call my loved ones, work, smile at strangers, go home and complain about my day, call more loved ones, pray, be grateful and go to bed. Oh, and definitely eat fudge. With nuts!

I guess that question is a good check to see if I’m where I want to be with myself and the world. Do I live in the “what I wish I would have done” or continue to put one foot in front of the other and live today with passion and some resign?

And even though today was a really rough day, I can honestly say to a great degree, I am certain I’m exactly where I am meant to be and for today, all is well in my world. As much as I would love to do all that I mentioned on my list, what I have right now is all I need…and it just doesn’t get any better than that…

Would love to hear what’s on your list!

Well let’s see, here are just a few mid-life tidbits of wisdom I have accumulated through my life’s experiences thus far:

• When everyone looks younger than you it’s because they are.
• It’s OK to trust your life into the hands of a doctor that looks like your youngest child. And it’s OK to ask if they brushed their teeth and washed behind their ears. They understand.
• Russian Tea is going to be the new “it” beverage soon. Get a jump on it and dig out that old recipe. I just had to look up how to spell recipe.
• When your knees betray you and you can’t get up gracefully from that chair, lie and say  you just went on a 10 mile run. Or groan as you struggle to rise and say “Phew, those were good ribs”.
• Pretend menopause is a game show and you win money for every hot flash or bladder leakage.  Then take yourself out for ice cream and a hair shampoo.
• Arguing with hubby not nearly as fun…cause you can’t remember why you got angry in the first place.
• It’s OK to listen to the Allman Brothers and feel really cool again.
• Don’t wear a bikini.
• Ding Dongs don’t taste the same nor do Ho Ho’s.
• And the most important to practice everyday:  Regretting the past is a waste of time. Forgive yourself.

My memory!! What happened to my memory? Mr. Sandman stole it in the night? I lost it watching the WWI wrestling or America’s Next Top Model?? What happened?

It’s not just losing my keys, forgetting why I entered a room or not being able to complete a sentence with a shred of coherency, but I am staring this very moment, at my “to do” list from yesterday and one of the items I hastily scrawled marked “urgent” is: “MAKE PRICE RED SOCK”. What am I supposed to do with that?? I have formed the letters in every possible combination and got nothing! It may come back to me and then again may not.

And another frustration…I get the most ingenious ideas in the middle of the night. And since I would forget them the next morning, I placed pencil and paper by the bed to jot down my gifted prose and creations. I then would wake up to: “The rock has moss but the sun comes out”…??What am I supposed to do with THAT?

I’m learning, as I know I’m not alone in this, to find humor when I forget names and faces, my address and social security number, birthdays and leaving my keys, cell phone and wallet in the car while it’s running…wait that last one wasn’t funny at all. Never mind. I’m really not learning anything  at all about this and if I was, I’ll most likely forget it anyway…

I met a very gifted life coach at one of our women’s shows and wanted to pass along her information to you. More than just sometimes we can find ourselves stuck and in need of a little guidance. What’s nice about Nancy is she can coach you right from your phone and help you find the answers you are in need of.

Her website is: www.whatsonyourdash.com and her e-mail is: nancy@whatsonyourdash.com.

Blessings,
Jan